Dear Baby J (Your third letter),

Dear Baby J,

In some ways it seems like a lot has changed since I wrote to you November and in other ways it seems like not much has changed at all. The days are long but these months have been short.

You are still an adorably chill baby boy! In just a few days you will be 9 months old. You’re sitting well on your own now and kinda of sometimes beginning to scoot. We’re trying to get you to crawl but you’re not interested yet.

Your tongue issues have worked themselves out. You’re eating well now – the people at the WIC office say a little too well! You seem to like everything we give you – but are ready for REAL food with some substance. You’re working on teeth and I think you’ll have two on the bottom any day now.

You're meeting all sorts of people who are happy to get to know you!

You’re still sucking on your fingers and it still drives Ms. Shannon crazy!

You’re learning to hold your own bottle and drink it down so fast!











You’re a great sleeper. You’re currently sleeping in our dining room – or multi-purpose room as we’re calling these days. You sleep through anything that we’re doing around you which is great.

You still very much love your Big Sister. She loves to hug and kiss you and your eyes light up and you laugh when you see her coming.






We celebrated Thanksgiving and Christmas and New Year with you – all your first. What you should know (even though you won’t remember) is that you celebrated holidays this year with family and friends that love you deeply. 

 

We had good food (you got tastes of all kinds of things), good laughs, late nights, and lots of fun with family and friends. You were showered with gifts for Christmas and surrounded by people who love you.

We celebrated with our Circles family at a holiday party.You sat on the stage while the grownups played a silly game to look like reindeer! 

We saw Santa several times!    

You stayed in church with us on Christmas Eve to celebrate Jesus being born. You loved the lights and the music and I hope that somehow the message of God’s love and hope for the world soaked deep down into your being. You are loved little one, but lots of people in this world but also by a great big God who is also small enough to know you well.

            

We got to go to Disney World while we were visiting friends in Florida for the New Year. 

You rode several rides and liked seeing all of the people. 

You were unimpressed with the fireworks - but they were after your bedtime!

We're not sure how much longer you'll be apart of our family everyday. 

You see your mom most every week and she seems to be trying to learn how to be the best mommy she can be for you. She says your brother and sister want you to come home. You actually got to spend some time after Christmas at home with them and your grandmother. We hear that went well and were glad they wanted this time with you. They gave you some outfits for Christmas and some toys too!

It doesn't matter how much longer you live with us. You're a part of our family forever. We love you and love taking care of you. Most of the time you want your Bubbie still and she happily obliges. We pray for you each and everyday. We pray for you now as you grow and learn and pray for guidance for us as your parents. We also pray for your first family and the changes and decisions they are making to get ready for you to come home. 

We also have been thinking a lot about your future. There has been a lot of talk in the world recently about what its like to be a African-American male in our country. It is something we obviously will never fully understand, but you will. We hope lots of things for you. We hope you grow up happy and safe and with the same chances everyone else has to learn and play. We also hope you don't ever not love who you are. You are a child of God - perfect the way you are. We hope and pray for changes in our world and in hearts. We pray for peace and justice and fairness and mercy - and we pray these things for our world - but also for you J. I hope those are the things you experience now, and in 5 years, and 10 and 20 and 30. 

We love you Baby J!

Love,

Meggie

15 months!

Sweet S,

So much has happened since I last wrote! You’ve been with us now for 15 months and you turned 22 months old!

Christmas came! You had a wonderful Christmas doing many of the same things we did together last year. We love that we are getting to have some traditions with you. Mawmaw and Poppy came from Alabama to be here and we spent lots of time together. We all went to church together on Christmas Eve and you and J stayed in the service with us. You loved the singing and even chimed in when Mr. Scott was talking. I think it was just because you were excited about Jesus being born! When we prayed you folded your hands and bowed your head and said “Amen” loudly before Mr. Scott was finished. We were delighted to have you in worship with us and to celebrate together Jesus being born!

After church our whole family and the Robinsons came to our house for dinner. We had lots of good food together and had a good time. You got several presents that night that you really liked. Some of the presents included clothes and you felt like you needed to try all of them on right away and all at one time. You were so funny!

You got to wear several of my old Christmas dresses this year and that was really special!

On Christmas Day we had breakfast at Maemae and Steve’s with lots of family and that’s where Santa came! You got some wonderful things from Santa, me and Bubbie, and lots of other people. Santa brought you a nice baby doll that you’re still loving to carry and feed and one of the best things Mawmaw and Poppy got you was a baby stroller. It is so fancy!

Later on Christmas Day we went to Grandmama’s house with lots of family. You had a good time opening presents and playing with the baby Jesus from her nativity set. Maggie and Jar gave you some super cool blocks and Aunt Beck painted a lap desk for you. She also found you some pink converses that fit over the braces for your feet!

Later on Christmas night the four of us went with Jar and Maggie to look at Christmas Lights at the Ludy’s. You loved the lights and the music! We also went to Waffle House after and ate together. Memories!

You might notice you have a black eye in many of the pictures from this month. You sustained this injury when your toes met the end of a dust pan and the handle of the dust pan popped up and hit your eye. We were helping Maemae and Steve put ornaments on their tree when it happened. It didn’t seem to bother you too much – although you did try to wipe off the bruise almost every time you saw it in a mirror.

For New Years we had a special treat. Bubbie, J, you and me went to Jacksonville to see Suzanah and her family. She had other friends there with older boys that you loved playing with. You had trouble playing with Henry and remembering to be sweet but we had adventures anyway. We went to St Augustine to see some pretty Christmas lights all over downtown and we got to go to Disney World!

We didn’t we were going until about 12 hours before we went. We didn’t have the right clothes to wear because it was so hot and we didn’t have a plan – but we had a blast. We walked around all day and you loved the people and the music. You also loved the rides! Your favorite seemed to be Dumbo. I am so glad we got to ride together. 

We saw two parades while we were there and lots of fireworks. You loved it all!

My favorite part of the day was being in a magical place with real friends. Henry and his grandmother had to ride Dumbo after we did and so we stood with Suzanah to watch them ride. Something seemed to be wrong with the elephant they were in and it was very funny. We laughed like I haven’t laughed in a long time at something that was quite silly! Good friends matter Sweet Girl. You’re going to need them in all the phases of your life. I hope I am a good model for you of how to be a good friend and how to have good friends. Disney World was a wonderful place to think about all kinds of things!

We stayed up past ALL of our bedtimes and watched the last parade. We were very late getting to our car and back to the hotel. We ended up taking a wrong turn and being on a toll road with no cash to pay a toll. It is funny now – but wasn’t then.  Mimi always told me to keep a $20 bill in the car – and I wish I had taken her advice that night!

This month you’ve gotten a new case worker. We were sorry to see Ms. L go and wish her well in her new position. We met Ms. C and she seems to have knowledge and a background that will hopefully help us move forward with your adoption.

You’ve started using the potty some this month and that’s been exciting. You’re still eating and sleeping like a champ. We do have to put on your footie pajamas backwards because you were taking them and your diaper off at night and making a mess in the bed! You have gotten reacquainted with the time-out stool and this makes me sad. I know you’re just trying to figure out how to be in the world and I respect that. You’ll figure out soon that words are better at communicating than using your hands to hit and that will be a life-lesson that will serve you for a long time.

You are ALWAYS moving. You are so busy and determined to get things done - even if no one else knows what you're working on. Occasionally you'll sit still and its usually for Steve to read to you or rock. 

You still really love your brother J. I think you had as much fun riding with him in this cart and the grocery store as you did at Disney World!

Life with you is never dull and we wouldn't have it any other way! Good things are coming Sweet Girl!

Love,

Meggie

Patience.

"Let nothing disturb you, 
Let nothing frighten you, 
All things are passing away:
God never changes.
Patience obtains all things.
Whoever has God lacks nothing. God alone suffices." -St. Theresa

Today has been a day when its hard to remember that "Patience obtains all things."

We found out there is a change in S's case manager today which means a BRAND new person will be taking over her case. This seems like bad timing. The old case worker was supposed to go to the prison this coming Monday to visit her birth dad to get/let him surrender his parental rights. This has been a long time coming and we felt like things were finally happening!

So frustrating. But trying to see the positive. Maybe this new person will bring new energy and a sense that she wants to get things done. Maybe something about who this person is will be exactly what we need to see this case to completion. 

Maybe. 
Hopefully. 
Please.

We live with such uncertainty everyday caring for a child who is ours and is not ours all at the same time. 
But most days its easy to ignore those voices of 
"this might not work" 
"you probably won't have her next Christmas" and 
"she's not really yours" 
and just pay attention to the child that calls me Mama and the family we have together. 

Today I can't ignore the uncertainty. When changes like this happens the knot gets tighter in my stomach and it gets harder to take a deep breath. So I'll go home and hug Sweet S. And maybe play a little longer tonight before bedtime. And try to remember the words of St. Theresa. And be patient. 

14 months!

Dear Sweet S,

You’ve lived with us for 14 months! You’re getting to be such a big girl.

You know A LOT more words and are starting to put together words to make short sentences like “I dropped” or “outside now.”

You got special braces this month for your feet. When you walked, you turned your feet in and walked on the inside of your ankle. We wanted to see if we can help make this better before you get older. You don’t seem to mind the braces at all and they seem to be helping a lot already. We did have to buy you all new shoes to wear with them and at first we thought you couldn’t wear converses anymore but we bought bigger ones and made it work! Aunt Beck has been really helpful with this making sure that we are getting what we need and doing it right! This picture is from before you got the braces. You LOVE boots and seem to be especially prissy in them.

You’re enjoying putting on clothes and playing with things you can put on like hats, scarves, or bedroom shoes.

MaeMae recently found this old hat of mine and you LOVE it!

You’re eating like a big girl these days. You like food with lots of flavor – except for meat – and you love things you can easily feed yourself. One of your favorite things to eat is burritos from Moe’s!

We went to Steve’s cousin’s house for Thanksgiving this year. We had a good time with family and also celebrated my Grandmama’s 90^th birthday. She loves flamingos so we all had silly flamingo glasses to wear.

The day after Thanksgiving we went to Fantasy in Lights. Jar and Mia were here to go and we had a van full! You and J were able to see Santa there and you liked him! You also really liked looking at the lights and dancing to the music!

 We picked out a Christmas tree together and decorated it while you were asleep. You’ve loved looking at it. Sometimes it is like you forget it is in the room and when you turn the corner you say “ooooo.” Its precious.

One of Bubbie’s uncles died this month and you and Bubbie went to Alabama for the funeral . You enjoyed the time with her and the extra attention. During the funeral you passed out tissues to everyone and got a little upset when everyone wouldn’t help you feed your baby her bottle. This uncle loved our family and loved you. When we last visited him you found his dentures in a cup and pulled them over on you spilling the water everywhere!

We can’t wait for Christmas to get here. It is so much fun to imagine this all from your perspective. You recognize Santa and are not afraid of him! We’ve spent a lot of time at home together which has been very nice. You love your room and having us in there to play with you. You especially like it when J is on the floor to play with you too!

The days are long kiddo but this month flew by! When I write again I will have news of Christmas to report! I can’t wait.

Love,

Meggie

13 months!

Dear Sweet S,

This letter is a little late to you this month for a lot of reasons, but mostly because of yucky germs that have invaded our house! I’m just hoping you’re going to end up with a stronger immune system after all of this!

You’re talking SO MUCH these days and we can mostly understand what you’re trying to say. You’re calling all food “pizza” which is hilarious because you don’t really like to eat real pizza very much at all. One of the funniest things you’re saying right now is your own word for banana. I can’t even type the way you say it but you start with “ba” and then move your tongue around making repetitive sounds. It is so funny! You’re so smart and it is amazing for us to watch you figuring out the world. You also like to fist bump everyone. You say “bump” and stick out your fist and most people will appease you with a “bump.” You're starting to look so much like a little girl and not like a baby!

You’ve been with Bubbie and me for 13 months. That means we’re starting to get to do things with you for the second time.

We celebrated Halloween with you for the second time. This year the four of us were super heroes! Bubbie and I worked to make us matching shirts and super cool capes that were the hit of Trunk-or-Treat at my work. You enjoyed hanging out with friends that night and watching bigger kids play games. You even got to taste come cotton candy.

That weekend we loaded up in the van (have I mentioned we bought a mini-van??) and went to Bubbie’s college. They have a special “Hockey Day” the first weekend in November and we were able to be there. It was VERY COLD but we were able to watch Bubbie play field hockey and even score the winning goal for the old folks – er I mean alum team. You enjoyed running around with the other kids and meeting new people. 

We hung out at Susan and Stacey’s a lot and you really like playing with other bigger girls who were there. Your favorite part of the weekend might have been this cupcake however!

We celebrated this month with Aunt Missy. She is getting ready to be a foster mommy too to some lucky kiddos and we gave her a party to celebrate. You loved being with all the guests!

Early in November I went to Atlanta for a party for Aunt Audrey. After that we went to visit Poppy and Mawmaw. On the way to their house we stopped to see Tamara. She had never met you or J and it was so special to get to spend some time with her. She gets to work at a place with a REALLY cool playground and it was the perfect place to meet.

Once we got to Poppy and Mawmaw’s house we had a great time as usual. We visited with lots of family and friends and ate a lot of good food.

We celebrated MaeMae’s birthday this month with a party at the Mexican Restaurant. You LOVE to eat Mexican food. Your favorite seems to be guacamole.

Aunt Audrey got married this month! I was in her wedding and you and Bubbie got to be there too. MaeMae and Steve came and spent the night and kept you while we went to a wedding party the night before and you had a very good time with them and Nathan and Judy and Amelia and Mason. The wedding was beautiful and the reception was a lot of fun. You were the dancing star. You danced with us and with Steve and with strangers all night long!

                           

 

You are such a social little being. I am such an introvert that it makes me tired just to think about trying to keep up with you and all the people you want to meet. Soon we’ll have to talk about stranger danger and other fun things but right now you don’t seem to be afraid of anyone and want to meet everyone you can!

We saw Gigi and Michael and Mamaw once this month and that was a special visit. They loved watching you play at Burger King. Every time I hear from Gigi she says to make sure you know she loves you and to give you lots of kisses from her.

Not long after I wrote last time we visited a special foot doctor who looked at your feet and helped us decide that you might need some special braces to help you walk more surely and maybe even help your flat little feet have an arch. We are going to get them soon and hope they help with what you need and don’t drive us all crazy in the process!

We went and saw the judge this month too. He wants to make you officially a part of our family soon. We’re waiting on some other people to do some things so that can be true. We go back to see the judge later this month and we hope to hear good news.

I said this last year and I am saying it again – but this is my favorite time of year to have a kiddo around. There is so much good stuff happening because it is Thanksgiving and because Christmas is coming. It’s a magical time and I am so glad we get to share it.

Love,

Meggie