Today is a big day for you. You started swimming lessons…and didn’t cry at all. That was a really big deal – but not really why I’m writing this letterJ
The judge was scheduled to hear your story today. When we were there last month they decided we needed to come back and let them change the goal of your case. They were going to change it and start the process of filing some paperwork that meant you weren’t ever going to go back and live with your First Mama.
We’ve been talking to your First Mama a lot lately. She made a really important and big and hard decision. She made the decision to sign some papers that said it was ok for you not to live with her. This was a really hard decision for her to make because she loves you so much. Since you were born she’s been working on getting some things worked out so you can come live with her. She’s decided that the best thing for you is to let you stay with us. She recognizes that me and Bubbie are your mamas now and that we’ve been taking good care of you. She knows you’re happy and settled with us and wants it to stay that way. We’ve talked to her about making sure you always know who she is and that she knows how you are doing and she gets to see you sometimes. She’s going to have another baby next month and she wants you to know your little sister. She wants this to happen and we do too. Before she signed the papers today she made sure that we agreed to let her see you and she made sure this was going to be ok with the judge.
K, she loves you and your sister very much. She told me that today several times. She is sorry you haven’t ever been able to live with her, but she told me and Bubbie that she thinks we’re doing a good job being your Mamas. She wants you to stay happy and healthy and have the chance to grow up in our family.
We want you to grow up in our family too. You’ve already done 2 years and 2 months worth of growing in our family. We want you to be able to be here forever. We hope more than anything that this will happen. The next step is to find the man who is your biological father and give him the chance to sign some papers. If he doesn’t, then they will take away his rights to be your father. We’ve never met him and you’ve never met him.
After that happens a group of people in the state office will have to make a decision saying its ok for you to be adopted separately from your big sister, A. This hurts our hearts because we love it when siblings are kept together but you and your sister have never lived together and do not have a strong bond. We are committed to you continuing a relationship with your sister and always knowing that she is your biological family. We see her as much as we can with her foster mom. Our prayer is that this decision can be made and we can adopt you and Ms. S. can adopt A. and we can continue to redefine what family means.
K, we have loved being your mamas for all of your days so far. We are thrilled that today means we’re one step closer to being your mamas for all the rest of your days. Two years ago when I left the hospital with you as a tiny baby I had no idea we would ever be at this place. There are parts of this story that have been hard and parts that have been sad and parts that have been more delightful that I could have imagined. I am so glad we’re still in this together. We love you, K.
PS - Your First Mama wore a shirt today with anchors all over it. Anchors for us represent the hope we have in Jesus in this whole fostering journey. I smiled at this coincidence!