Court Today.

Dear J,

We had court today where the judge made a big decision. He decided the best thing for you is to live with your grandmother. We’re not sure all the reasons why this hasn’t happened before, but for whatever reason  - this was decided today. You’ll be with us for two more weeks and then move to her house.

Right now my heart is breaking. All along I’ve known you weren’t really our little boy – but all along you’ve really been our little boy. We’ve been the family you’ve known and loved and who has loved you for 427 out of your 474 days on earth. We’ve celebrated your first foods, your first teeth, when you finally rolled over, and now you’re finally scooting! We’ve worked extra hard to help you reach some milestones and are certain that you’ll catch up as long as you keep getting the help you need. We celebrated more than a year of holidays with you and your first birthday. You’ve been on trips and seen the mountains, the beach, Disney World, weddings, tractors, pig races, and spent days at the river. You’ve been a part of our larger families who have loved you and cared about you too. You’ve been a part of our church family and our work families.

I can’t remember what life was like before you. Our family won’t be the same after you. Your sister is going to miss you so much. She has loved you from the first day you came to our house. You’re just getting old enough to stand up to her pestering and enjoy playing with her.

You will always always have a huge piece of your Bubbie’s heart. Since she first met you, you have had her wrapped around the littlest of your little fingers. I don’t know what she’s going to do without you.

J, you made us a family that didn’t match. With you in our family we got more looks and questions. We did a lot of thinking about whether or not that was really best for you. We hope we were what you needed. We’ve known from the beginning that we would probably be saying goodbye one day but that doesn’t make today any easier. We have worked hard to be the family you needed and promised to be that family as long as you needed it.

It looks like the court says you won’t need us after the next two weeks. We hope this move is a good one for you and brings some healing and reconciliation in your first family. We hope you keep growing and learning. We hope you are well taken care of and your special needs are met. We hope your family tells you about God and much God loves you and cares for all of us. We’re going to ask if grandma will keep in touch so we can know how you’re doing. We hope she agrees.

We’re going to make the most of these next two weeks. Get ready for extra snuggles and extra hugs and kisses. We’ll pack your clothes and your favorite toys and books and get ready as best we can. As we do all that we’ll pray without ceasing for you and for your grandma and your mom and your dad and your bio brother and sister and for your foster brother and sister and your Bubbie and your Meggie. We’ll ask God to give us peace and wisdom and an extra measure of love for one another.

Love you,

Meggie