You started school today! You're going to a special classroom in an elementary school for younger kids who need a little extra help getting ready for school. You did this a little bit last school year so its not totally new, but your class has been moved to a different school. You're such a little fella in a school with such big kids. You only get to go to this class for half days two times a week and the rest of the time will be able to go back to Easter Seals where you've been all summer. You really like your class there.
I hope you have a great year of learning and growing at both schools.
I hope the extra attention helps you catch up. You're doing so well with speech and are so proud to be able to communicate more clearly these days.
I hope your body stays strong and healthy and that when (not if) those glasses break we can fix them at least 2 times before we have to replace them.
I hope all the things that trigger your anxiety stay far away from you.
I hope that you make some friends your age.
I hope you'll start to see that the important adults in your life will love you no matter what.
I hope that you'll learn how great it is to use the potty! (Please. Please. Please.)
I hope that your bus driver takes the long way every time you're on the bus so you get to see everything from "so high."
I hope we'll get fewer accident reports as a result of your carelessness and clumsiness!
I hope you have fun. Like real pure fun. Like so much you can't keep it to yourself.
F, you've recently decided that you're not a fan of me. We're working through this with help from Dr. B. I pray and ask the experts for help to know how to be the best Mama I can be for you now. She says what you need is safety and stability and we're doing that as best we know how. I get glimmers of the sweet boy I know is in there and that others know every so often when we interact and it gives me hope. Whatever it is - know that I love you and am trying to figure it out and that I will love you and keep trying to figure it out as long as you need me to. Attachment is a real thing, Dude and I hate so much for you that you didn't learn how to do it when you were supposed to. Its not impossible to catch up. We just have some real work to do.
Your family's case will be heard by the judge in a few weeks. The outcome could change things in a major way. We don't think it will mean you're leaving us anytime soon but we're hoping it gets us one step closer to you being able to live with all three of your sisters in a forever place.
I love you, F and am so glad to celebrate this start of a school year with you. Its going to be a great year!
Love,
Mama
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