On May 2, 2015 Bubbie and I were at an all-day foster parent training. A regional leader at DFCS was encouraging us to recruit more foster families. She said she had never seen the need so great in our community. She said “I’ve got a newborn in the hospital right now with no one to take him and that’s how you know its bad. We need more homes.” After the training we went to talk to her. We told her that even though we already had a two year old and a one year old at home – that if she would let us – we would be willing to have three kids. That night she texted me with one word “Newborn?” I responded “Maybe.” And then Bubbie and I talked and prayed and I texted her back “We have talked and prayed and would like more information if we could be considered. We are willing.” Over the next few days we got pieces of information. At about 3 o’clock in the afternoon someone finally called and said “he’s ready to be discharged can you come before 5?” So I left work and picked you up from the hospital on the way home!
We had a rough start. You had (and still have) lots of allergies that made you very uncomfortable. We finally figured out the best combination of formula and medicine for you about 7 months later. In those first 7 months we spent lots and lots of time walking and bouncing and watching Gilmore Girls reruns through the night. You were the first newborn baby we’ve taken care of. We both had a lot of learning to do.
For almost exactly a year it looked like the plan for you was going to be going back to live with your first mom. She loves you SO much. And she has never failed to visit you, check on you, and make sure you have what you need. You’ve had lots of love from her from the very beginning. We still see her and will keep seeing her as long as it is healthy for you.
For a couple of months in your first year it seemed like you might be going to live in the foster home where your older sister was living. We’re still not very sure why that never happened in 2016. Later things changed and some people wanted to you move there in 2018. At that point we were not convinced that would be the best place for you and worked hard to keep you in our home. Many things have happened in these 1487 days that we don’t understand. There have been lots of people who really looked out for you and helped us get here.
I tell you this to say, that we haven’t always known that you would end up being our forever son. That's the way foster care is sometimes. Trying to make decisions to determine what the best thing for you might be has been one of the hardest things I've ever done. Your Bubbie and I have spent lots of time reading and consulting and praying and talking and working to make sure that we can be the very best parents for you. This hasn't been easy and just because our names match now, its not magically going to get easier.
Just know this. Today a judge (after lots of work by lawyers, advocates, case managers, friends, pray-ers, and your village) declared that you are legally our son. This is the day that our names match. This is the day I get to forever know that I am your Mama. I pray everyday that I am up for this! You are wanted. You are loved. You are fought-for. One of the lines from a song from our favorite artist says "You are not an accident where no one thought it through; The world it stood against us, made us mean to fight for you; and when we chose your name we knew you'd fight the power too." We mean those words, Buddy. We fought for you. And we will keep fighting.
We've chosen a name for you that reminds us of what you have brought to our family. Hearts are fragile. Hearts are wild. Hearts are unpredictable and unruly sometimes. Hearts get us into the most trouble and the most beauty that most of us ever experience. Hearts are necessary. Hearts grow and beat and keep us going. We love yours. And we love you.
Happy Adoption Day, Kingston. This is a wild and beautiful world and I'm glad we're in this together.
Love,
Mama
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