First Letter to Baby C

Dear Baby C,

Welcome to our family! Your arrival was quite a surprise and definitely beyond what we could have hoped or imagined. Your first mother and aunt messaged me a couple of days after you were born to let me know you had arrived. Although you were born about 6 weeks too soon and came in an emergency sort of way, you’re healthy and beautiful in every way. You came home weighing 5.5 pounds and yesterday the doctor said you are already up to 6 pounds 11 ounces! Your Bubbie and I were able to bring you home from the hospital 10 days after you were born. We had to spend some extra time with you in the NICU to make sure we were ready for you and you were ready for us. You’ve been home for 11 days now and have fit right in.

One of the first things I whispered in your ears was that we have a crazy beautiful family and I was happy to welcome you to it. We’ve heard from your first mom that she’s hoping you can stay with us and be a forever part of our family. She wants you to be in a stable family and grow up with your sister. We want that too. We have court January 5 and will know more about what is going on after that date.

Speaking of your sister…Sam is so excited you’re here. She had a little cold when you first came home so she had to wait a few days to be able to hold you. She was patient and was SO excited when she finally got to hold you and kiss your hands. She knows you have the same Gigi. She doesn’t quite understand all that that means but she knows you are her sister and she loves you. Most every night when I ask her her three special questions she says what she’s most looking forward to about tomorrow is holding and seeing you. When I ask her what she wants to teach you to do she says “clap and jump on the jump-o-line.” Santa brought us a trampoline for Christmas. We’ll try to take good care of it so she can teach you to jump on it when you’re ready.

You’ve also met your other siblings in our home. K loves you too. He recognizes when you’re in the room and wonders where you are when he can’t see you. He loves to kiss you. He wants to give you toys to play with but we’re helping him know you’re not quite ready for toys. He has been with us since he was a tiny baby. We hope to adopt him soon and make him a forever part of our family. We’ve hit a roadblock with that process and there are a lot of uncertain things about that. We’re still working and praying and waiting to see what happens.

F is less concerned about you than K is. R is F’s baby sister and she definitely knows you’re here. You’re her (and our) roommate. She’s still not sure how she feels about having to go all night without a bottle when you get two during the night. She’s been pretty chill about sharing our attention though. We think you’re going to get along well. We’re not sure how much longer R&F will be in our home. They have lots of other siblings (and one on the way) and we’re hoping that soon they can move to a place where they can grow up with more of their biological siblings.

C, we have a very strong village that has worked hard to welcome you! We’ve had extra hands around to help and several friends to come stay with you as we had to run errands or work. Friends have brought meals and stayed for baby cuddles. Others have sent gift cards for meals or groceries. Other have dropped off boxes of diapers and wipes and have made sure we have clothes that fit you. Our family helped make Christmas happen even in the chaos of five kids.

One thing that we know for sure is that babies rarely come to us when it is easy and convenient. We weren’t entirely sure we would be able to bring you home. You came to us in a season of waiting that is all about one particular baby. That baby had an especially strong mother who wasn’t expecting him at first either. Now, I’m fully aware you’re not baby Jesus (I’m pretty sure the Son of God wouldn’t create so many dirty diapers) but you’re just as much a sign of new life and hope for us. I’m sure one day I’ll tell you more about it, but we were hoping for a new baby soon in our lives and you just might have been the answer to that hope. We love you baby girl and are delighted to be the ones that brought you home and get to introduce you to the world. We do indeed have a crazy beautiful family and are so glad you’re a part of it.

Love you,
Mama

A Letter to R and F

It has been nearly 6 weeks since you two came to live with us. Bubbie and I had been waiting for months to get another call about kids who might need to stay with us. We said no to several situations that felt like they weren’t great fits for us and then the call came for ya’ll. We were at a graduation night at my work at Circles. We were told there were two kids – 4 months and 2 years that needed a place to go. We said yes and began to make arrangements for ya’ll.

We learned that the place you’d been living wasn’t safe or clean. We were ready to help you be clean and safe and give you the things you need to grow. It makes us very sad when we know kids aren’t getting the things they need and aren’t being taken care of. We could tell that neither of you had had all you needed to be safe and to grow.

Since you’ve been with us we’ve been working on these things. You’re both growing in your bodies and your brains and your spirits. We’re watching you develop and mature and hit milestones you were missing.

Sam loves having you around – especially having a baby girl around! K is learning to love a playmate who is only a couple of months older than he is.

You’re learning what it is like to have appropriate food on a regular basis and to take baths. You’re getting used to sleeping in beds and having toys. It is a joy to be able to be your family right now.

This past weekend you had a visit with your 5 other siblings, your grandma, 3 great-grandparents, and an uncle. Everyone was so excited to be able to have you all together. You were happy to be there. We hope that those visits happen more often.

We have court for you soon and hope to have a better idea of what might be coming for you. We hope that soon there can be a place you could be with more of your siblings. We know they miss you. No matter how long you are with us, we promise to take care of you and make sure you have what you need. We love you both and want the very very very best for you.

Welcome to our crazy family!
Meggie

Big Day for K

Dear K,

Today is a big day for you. You started swimming lessons…and didn’t cry at all. That was a really big deal – but not really why I’m writing this letterJ

The judge was scheduled to hear your story today. When we were there last month they decided we needed to come back and let them change the goal of your case. They were going to change it and start the process of filing some paperwork that meant you weren’t ever going to go back and live with your First Mama.

We’ve been talking to your First Mama a lot lately. She made a really important and big and hard decision. She made the decision to sign some papers that said it was ok for you not to live with her. This was a really hard decision for her to make because she loves you so much. Since you were born she’s been working on getting some things worked out so you can come live with her. She’s decided that the best thing for you is to let you stay with us. She recognizes that me and Bubbie are your mamas now and that we’ve been taking good care of you. She knows you’re happy and settled with us and wants it to stay that way. We’ve talked to her about making sure you always know who she is and that she knows how you are doing and she gets to see you sometimes. She’s going to have another baby next month and she wants you to know your little sister. She wants this to happen and we do too. Before she signed the papers today she made sure that we agreed to let her see you and she made sure this was going to be ok with the judge.

K, she loves you and your sister very much. She told me that today several times. She is sorry you haven’t ever been able to live with her, but she told me and Bubbie that she thinks we’re doing a good job being your Mamas. She wants you to stay happy and healthy and have the chance to grow up in our family.

We want you to grow up in our family too. You’ve already done 2 years and 2 months worth of growing in our family. We want you to be able to be here forever. We hope more than anything that this will happen. The next step is to find the man who is your biological father and give him the chance to sign some papers. If he doesn’t, then they will take away his rights to be your father. We’ve never met him and you’ve never met him.

After that happens a group of people in the state office will have to make a decision saying its ok for you to be adopted separately from your big sister, A. This hurts our hearts because we love it when siblings are kept together but you and your sister have never lived together and do not have a strong bond. We are committed to you continuing a relationship with your sister and always knowing that she is your biological family. We see her as much as we can with her foster mom. Our prayer is that this decision can be made and we can adopt you and Ms. S. can adopt A. and we can continue to redefine what family means.

K, we have loved being your mamas for all of your days so far. We are thrilled that today means we’re one step closer to being your mamas for all the rest of your days. Two years ago when I left the hospital with you as a tiny baby I had no idea we would ever be at this place. There are parts of this story that have been hard and parts that have been sad and parts that have been more delightful that I could have imagined. I am so glad we’re still in this together. We love you, K.

Mama

PS - Your First Mama wore a shirt today with anchors all over it. Anchors for us represent the hope we have in Jesus in this whole fostering journey. I smiled at this coincidence! 

Bye Bye J!

Baby J,
You left our house yesterday for the second time. You're in Atlanta with your brother in another foster home and we're so glad! We heard from your new foster mom and she said you and your brother are getting a long and already have enjoyed being together.

Your last night with us we had my family over for a cookout and enjoyed a simple night at home. You spent your last morning here at daycare with folks who love you and have cared for you for months. They were sad to see you go.

S and K have missed you already. K misses his roommate and S is worried we forgot you somewhere! We're working together as a family to get used to you not being with us.

Rev. Grace offered a special blessing for you at the end of worship on Sunday. We prayed for you and for all the places your life will take you. We're praying you'll always be loved and know how much you're treasured and valued. We're hoping to stay in touch with your new foster mom and hope she will keep us posted on how you're growing and changing.

We're happy to have known you, J. We're better for it and we hope you're better too.

Love,

Meggie

A Letter to J

J,
Last week your case was heard in court again. It had been 6 months since the Judge heard your story so it was time for him to listen again. Some big changes are happening. Your mom is still working on some things to be able to get you and your brother back. She's not quite ready yet. People who have been paying attention to your case think its best if you go to live with your older brother in the foster home where he has been since he was a little bitty baby.

This will be a bittersweet move for us.

We will be sad you'll be leaving our family again. You're the tiniest baby (4lbs when we brought you home!) we've cared for and it has been a joy to be able to watch you grow into a healthy and happy and chubby 16 month old. You're the most easy-going baby we've had. You fit right back into our family and its been a joy for you to be back. We will miss you when you leave.

But we're also happy for you and for your older brother. We know the foster family who has been caring for him has been hoping to be able to care for you for months. We're glad you'll be able to live together and really get to know each other as brothers. Moving you to live when them now will be much easier than waiting and moving you when you're older. We're trusting that this is really the best thing for you.

We believe that children should be in families. We've been so happy you've been a part of ours but are happy you'll get to be with your biological brother.

You have a special place in our heart and have made your mark on our home. We hope we're able to stay in touch with your new family and follow your growth and development. Your brother here (K) and your sister here (Sam) will miss you for sure. Our dog will miss your messy eating habits. We will miss the compliments we get on how beautiful you are. We'll miss your deep belly laugh and the way you make tears faster than any other human ever.

We have loved being your Meggie and Bubbie for 11 of the months of your life. You are special. You are loved by us and by our village. They say you're leaving in the next three weeks. We'll spend those weeks doing life as a family - living and loving together.

Love you,
Meggie

Happy Birthday Sam!

Sweet Sam,

Today is your 4^th birthday! You’re growing up into such a smart, strong, and sassy girl.

We’re stretching out our celebration this year. This weekend we will go to Eva to celebrate with Poppy (his birthday was last week!) and then the next weekend we’ll have a party with friends and family. You’ve told us you want a party at a playground and you want it to be for superheroes – so that’s what we’re planning! Your Bubbie is probably more excited than you are!

Today Sarah and Melanie came to celebrate with you. You visited the book store with them this morning and then we had lunch that you picked – “burrito and cheese.” You’re at the museum with them now!

You’re very excited about turning 4. You told me this morning you were getting too big for your socks! I’m not sure what that means but I am sure we will figure it out. You have lots of strong opinions these days. You’re really into wearing dressed and tights and boots. You love dress up clothes and anything that makes you feel like a ballerina. You also love to play outside at our house or any playground. You make new friends easily and have recently started asking everyone “what’s your name?” You still love baby dolls and usually have one with you. You’re a great big sister and love helping when we need a special helper. You’re glad to have a brother old enough to play with now.

I loved you as a 3 year old and I can’t wait to get to know 4 year Sam. A lot of times parents talk about wanting time to slow down so they can enjoy their kids being little forever. I don’t really feel that way. I’m not in a rush for you to grow up – but I am so curious about who you will become and what you’re going to do in this world that I am excited you’re getting older. Keep growing, my love. Keep learning and watching and listening and loving a caring and dancing and running and swinging and drawing and laughing.

I am so glad to be celebrating you today and so glad to be your Mama!

I love you!

Mama

An Overdue Letter to K

K,

I haven’t written you a letter since last March and  when I wrote that letter we thought you were leaving us soon. It is almost a whole year later and you’re still here and we are so glad.

We had an important court date for you this week. The judge made the big decision to start the process to terminate your mom’s rights for your sister. That means that more than likely your big sister won’t ever live with your mom again. When she was a little baby your mom did something that hurt your sister and she hasn’t seen her in almost 3 years. We’re sorry that this all had to happen and we’re sad when families can’t live together. Even though we are sad we are also hopeful that your sister will be able to be adopted by the foster mom who has had her for nearly 2 years and who loves her dearly.

That same day, the judge made the decision to not make that same choice for you. He wants to give your mom a little more time to learn how to take care of herself and you. He made this choice because your mom has been visiting with you and has been doing some of the things she needs to do in order to be able to care for you.  He thinks you have a bond. Recently your mom made some sad choices that mean she can’t see you right now and likely won’t for several months. We go back to court to see the judge in June. We’re not sure what will happen then. You’ll be a big brother sometime at the end of the summer and we’re not sure how that will change any of this either.

All foster kid cases are complicated but yours is especially so for a variety of reasons. Separating your case from your sister’s make it even more complicated but it also means you’re a little free-er. You’ve had at least 9 case workers in 21 months of being in foster care and every time the case manager has changed, details and plans have been lost and changed. We hate that the system has failed you in these ways. You deserve better than this.

What I want to make sure you know is this: your mom loves you a whole lot. I can tell that she is proud to be your mom. I know she is sad that she hasn’t ever been the one to take care of you. That’s been really hard for her. Your sister loves you a lot too. We’re going to make sure that you keep having an opportunity to see your sister as she finds a permanent home.

I also hope you know that we love you a whole lot too. I am sure that you know this because of the way you light up and call our names when we come in your room in the morning. I am sure you know you’re loved by Bubbie and by me and by Sam and MaeMae and Steve and friends at daycare and church. I need you to be sure. You’ve never known anything but this love and I hope that makes it dependable and trustworthy.

You’re almost 2 years old. You’re saying more and more words but hate to repeat things when we ask you. You’re a great sleeper. Even though you got a bit of a late start you’re a great runner! You still have some major food hangups but we’re all learning how to deal with your allergies and preferences. You relish being the middle child right now and love learning from Sam and showing J the ropes. You are super charming and give the best grins. You also have the most expressive “mean mugs” of any child I’ve ever seen!

We’re still not sure how long you’ll be around and a part of our family. Our hope and prayer is that we are able to be your forever family. I would love to be your Mama forever and for you to be my first forever son. You’re the first babe we brought home from the hospital and we’ve had you longer than any other boy we’ve parented. Now we just have to wait and see if that can be.

In the mean time we’ll do what we’ve been doing. We will feed you (mostly pretzels),  teach you, love you, bathe you, discipline you, hold you, change you, fight with your hair, dance with you, sing with you, laugh with you and do all the other things of life while we wait.

A lot of life happens in the waiting K. That’s one thing you’ve for sure taught me. I am happy to be doing life with you.

Love,

Mama Meggie