This is Your Village

Sam,

We knew that when your adoption happened we wanted to have a big party so we could all celebrate together. One of things I wanted out of the party was a picture of your whole village together and we got one!

After Rev. Grace offered a blessing for our family and gave others a chance to voice their blessings – we shuffled everyone to the stage and gathered for a picture. I was delighted that everyone played along – but of course they would – you have the best village!

There were lots of people who wanted to be with us that afternoon to celebrate and couldn’t be but I wanted to tell you now who was there and who the people are in this picture. I want you to always know who they are and why they matter to our family. (No one else will probably care about this list – but I hope from it you can see the variety of people who love you and are happy to be in your village.)

You’ve got some very familiar people on the front row. There’s Steve and MaeMae who are basically some of your favorite people. Next to MaeMae is Poppy. He came all the way from “where the cows live” (what you call Eva) to be there! He’s the best Poppy! Then there’s me and Bubbie. And next to Bubbie is Ms. Cheryl. I’ve worked with her at Open Door for almost eight years. She’s been a good friend to me at work and is always very interested in our lives.

On the next row back you’ll recognize Rev. Grace holding K. Rev. Grace is the priest at the church where we worship and I work. She’s been an important person to us. Before Bubbie and I got married we met with her for pre-martial counseling and really appreciated her wisdom and guidance. She’s holding K. K has been your little brother for 20 months. You love being a big sister to him and all the other “babies” who have come into our home. Being a Big Sister is an important part of who you are.

Next to Rev. Grace is Ms. LaSaundra and her kids. Ms. LaSaundra is one of my favorite people I get to work with in Circles. She’s worked really really hard to make things more positive and stable for her kids and now she’s a volunteer with Circles helping others make the same sorts of changes. She also works in the office that has made sure your day care is paid for through the state. She’s an important person there too!

Next to them are Anna and Nikki. They’re your cousins from Alabama. You love going to their house to play when we’re there and will follow “your big girl” Anna around for hours. They’re taking really good care of Poppy right now which is a huge gift to Bubbie. We’re glad they’re in your family and glad they’re in the village.

Next to them are Aaron, Sarah Jane and their 3 kids. Sarah Jane and Aaron are also foster parents. We’re happy we’re in this together. Fostering is a crazy and beautiful thing and its made such a difference to have folks on this journey with us.

Next to the boys are Lyndsey and Ashley. You’ve gotten to spend lots of time with them at Circles while Ashely worked with me and Lyndsey was an Ally. Bubbie first met Ashley in the Counseling Program at CSU. We love how they always make us laugh and both genuinely care about education and making the world a better place.

Next to Ashley in the red shirt is Ms. Donna. Ms. Donna goes to church with us now and used to be a foster parent herself. She has a great big heart and uses her time in service to others.

Next to Ms. Donna is Mr. John and Mrs. Vicky. Mr. John is the lawyer that worked with us to finalize your adoption. We were grateful his name will always be on your paperwork and that he was there with us in the process. Before she retired I worked with Mrs. Vicky at CVEM. She was the Director and I led Infusion which meant I got to work with teenagers. Mrs. Vicky was such a great leader in that group too. She’s such a strong example of a servant leader and has given lots of her time and energy to starting great things in our community. She helped me tremendously with the work we did in Circles. She cares more about justice than anyone I know. We also go to church with them now.

Next to Mrs. Vicky are Jar and Mia. Jar is your favorite Uncle and Mia is your favorite Aunt. We can’t wait for their baby to be born and for you to get to meet “Baby Cousin.” You’ll learn lots of thing about family. Some family you get to choose and some family you don’t. I am glad that my brother is someone I would choose to be in the village even if he wasn’t my brother. I am also glad he brought Maggie into our family and her family too!

Next to Mia is Aunt Sarah. I’ve known Sarah since she was in middle school. One day I’ll show you pictures! My friendship with Sarah is one of those things I would never have predicted 15 years ago when I was hired to be a youth ministry intern at the church where she grew up. Life is funny and the relationships we make and keep along the way are surprising. Sarah is an important and special person to you and we hope she will be for a long time.

Back on the other end you’ll see Ms. Kim behind Rev. Grace. Ms. Kim has been my friend since I was in college and I’ve gotten to work with her as my boss at Open Door. She’s one of those people who has “the minister-vibe.” She’s a great listener and something about her makes you want to tell her all you think and feel! She’s a visionary and leader in our community and I am so grateful I’ve gotten to work in ministry with her.

Next to Ms. Kim you’ll recognize Aunt Pissy (your name for her) holding L. I’ve been friends with Melissa since high school and am glad we’re in this foster family together. She got interested in foster parenting after she saw us doing it. Melissa has the biggest heart of anyone I know. She is a very good friend and I’m grateful for the longevity of our friendship. We can’t wait for L to be your forever cousin too! Next to them is Nana B. Nana is Melissa’s mom. We’re glad she’s in the village too. She was one of your first babysitters!

Next to Nana B. are Shelley and her daughter. Shelley and I grew up together in school and church and now she lives in another part of the state. Shelley and her husband are adopted parents too. I have appreciated her support and encouragement as we’ve fostered and adopted. It was such a great surprise to see them at your party. Your village reaches far and wide!

Behind Shelley you’ll see Ms. Laura and your new church buddy Wyatt – or Max as you call him. Laura and I grew up together at church and had lots of fun (and got in some trouble together) as teenagers. I am glad she’s back here and especially glad she and Wyatt are coming to church at St. Thomas. I am sure you two are on the way to having the same sorts of fun we did. Just know – that if you try to copy his personal testimony for a writing assignment or if you two are standing next to each other and get the giggles during a choir performance Ms. Laura and I will know how to handle it. Just trust us.

Next you’ll see Ms. Courtney. She and I met in seminary and there are so many thing I wish you could learn from her. Courtney is good with money and sticking to her word and being careful about boundaries. She’s thoughtful and she’s smart and she cares about people. Seminary was an interesting time for me and I am so grateful for the friends I made then.

Behind Ms. Courtney you’ll see Mr. Denny and next to Ms. Courtney is Mrs. Carol. They have known me since I was a bitty baby! They are good friends to MaeMae and Steve. MaeMae used to keep their son while they were at work so we have lots of memories together. They also go to the church where I grew up and Mr. Denny was my Sunday School teacher and an awesome youth volunteer for years. They have been so excited to help MaeMae and Steve welcome their first grandchild into the family and they have thoughtfully encouraged us along the way.

Next to Mrs. Carol you will see Mrs. Charlene. If Baptists had Saints I would nominate Mrs. Charlene. She’s a very good friend to MaeMae for a long time. Her daughter is my age and we grew up together at church and in high school. Mrs. Charlene is one of the kindest and most generous people I know – and I know some pretty kind and generous people. Her husband is also in your village – he’s your doctor!

Next to Mrs. Charlene you’ll see Ms. Ann. Ms Ann came with Ms. Martha who you will see down the line. Ms. Ann and Ms. Martha go to Epworth where we used to go to church. It’s the first place Bubbie and I took you to church and we went as a family. It is a wonderful place with wonderful and kind people who loved and cared for our family well. Ms. Ann helped in the kitchen and made great meals we enjoyed and Ms. Martha took care of you in the nursery. We were delighted they came to the party to celebrate with us.

Next to Ms. Ann you’ll see Mrs. Diane. Diane was Bubbie’s boss for a while when they both worked at the domestic violence shelter. I also worked with her when I taught Sunday School at Victory Mission. She is a thoughtful person who works to make the world a better place. Bubbie and I are both better people because we’ve gotten to work with her.

Next to Ms. Diane you’ll see Marth, Avery and another Mrs. Ann. (I know its confusing that there is another Martha and Ann.) Their family and our family have been friends since before I was born. MaeMae was friends with Mrs. Ann when she was young and Marth and I grew up together. We both had parents that worked at First Baptist and it seems like we were there together all the time. Avery and Marth and Ann have celebrated your birthdays with you and holidays and my birthdays too. With them – you don’t get just one you get the whole crew and that’s a good thing.

Behind Marth you’ll see Mrs. Susan. She works in the office next to me at Open Door and we go to church with her family. You like her husband Mr. Spence because he is silly with you. You also like her children because they are big kids and pay attention to you at church. Mrs. Susan always makes an effort to sit with our family at church meals. This is a big deal because our family is usually messy and loud at church meals and not the most ideal place to sit for a relaxing meal. Bubbie and I both appreciate this thoughtfulness and the experiences we share as Baptists at St. Thomas now. Mrs. Susan also hosted a baby shower for me and Bubbie before we started fostering. That was a kindness I won’t ever forget.

Behind Mrs. Susan and Mrs. Ann you’ll see Aunti O. You call her “T.O.” most of the time now. She’s your favorite babysitter! She works with me at Open Door and has for lots of years. She’s concerned about people in the world that others sometimes forget about. She also gives the best presents! We’re glad she’s in our village and appreciate her being a part of our family.

Next you’ll see Mrs. Martha from Epworth that I mentioned earlier.

Then – almost taller than anyone else is Melanie. Melanie is Sarah’s girlfriend and we’re real glad she’s in the village. You think she’s the best book reader ever and enjoying singing along with her aquarium song! You also let her braid your hair and it is beautiful. We’re glad life brought Melanie and Sarah together and even more glad that she’s in the village.

In front of Melanie is Mrs. Lauren. She’s married to Mr. Daniel who is standing next to her. I went to seminary at the same time they did although we weren’t really friends until we all ended up back here. Lauren came to my ordination even though we didn’t know each other well and I remember her saying “Even though I don’t know you well I wanted to be supportive.” Lauren has been a chaplain and is now a middle school teacher. She also used to work with me in Circles. I’m glad she brings all of those skills and gifts to your village. Daniel has worked with homeless families and is now working as a chaplain. They’re coming to church at St. Thomas now which we’re very excited about. We care about lots of the same things and are looking for ways to work together on things that matter.

 

Behind Daniel is Mr. Taylor. Mr. Taylor is Rev. Grace’s husband. We sit in front of him most Sundays in church and you enjoy his singing. We’re grateful he’s in the village and that he shares his knowledge and passions with us at St. Thomas.

Next you’ll see Mrs. Jennifer. Mrs. Jennifer has sons my age that I grew up in school with but she’s in the village now because she goes to St. Thomas and we’ve worked together there. She’s a great teacher and leader. She is someone that gets things done! She also cares a lot and knows a lot about new babies and we’ve counted on her several times for good advice!

Next to her you’ll see Mrs. Godwin. I can’t really call her anything else because that’s what I called her in 2^nd grade when she was my teacher’s aide! She has a daughter named Meg so we’ve always had a special connection. She goes to St. Thomas and was one of the first people to make sure we were welcomed when we started going to church there. We sit near her in church too and we appreciate her patience with us! She also makes the BEST cookies and sweet treats and maybe one day she will teach you! One thing that I really appreciate about Mrs. Godwin is that she speaks truth. Truth telling is important and we need more of that in the world – so I’m glad it is in your village.

Behind Mrs. Godwin you can barely see Uncle Richard’s head. Uncle Richard is MaeMae’s brother. You enjoy going to his house and playing with his dog with MaeMae sometimes after school. Auntie Diana is next to him and you appreciate that she gives you nice baby dolls! She just gave you a Cabbage Patch for Christmas that you adore! Being able to grow up in the same area as your relatives is not something that everyone gets to do. I am thankful I got to grow up around grandparents and great-aunts and great-uncles and cousins and aunts and uncles. I am glad you’re getting that too!

Next to Auntie Diana you’ll see  Kati. Kati and I have known each other since middle school when we were in church together. We also lived together for 2 years while I was in school in Atlanta. Next to Kati is her sister Christie. It has been good to reconnect with them since we’re all back in Columbus. They babysit sometimes and invited us to their house when they trusted you with a drink on white carpet. That’s love, kid.

In between Kati and Christie is Sig. Sig is married to Audrey who is next in line. Audrey has been one of my best friends for more than 18 years. We went to church together in middle and high school and then lived together while we were in school in Atlanta. She’s a person I trust with my secrets and who give logical level-headed advice. She gives thoughtful gifts (like a night of babysitting for Mother’s Day) and is one person in the village I believe that I could call at 2 am and she would come without asking questions. We all need a handful of those people. While we don’t see enough of each other as I would like, she is important to me and important to the village. She brought Sig into the village and we’re glad about that to. He’s fun and funny and builds beautiful things!

Behind Audrey  you’ll see Mrs. Barbara. I met her when she started volunteering with Circles as an Ally. She’s a great Ally. She’s a great Ally in the program to her Circle Leaders but she’s also been a great Ally to me. She’s been encouraging to me when I really needed it and when she didn’t even know – and she’s inspiring to me as she loves her family and her friends so well. She’s been on this foster journey with us and we’re so delighted she came to celebrate your adoption.

In front of her you’ll see another Katie. She goes with Stacey who is wearing plaid behind Sarah. Bubbie and I have known Stacey for a long time and recently met Katie when they started dating. They are both very brave and courageous and do the right thing even when it is really hard. They made you a special quilt for the day that folks signed for you. We don’t get to see them as much as we would like, but they’re an important part of the village.

Between Katie and Stacey you’ll see Colleen. I lived with Colleen while I was in Atlanta for school and we worked together at an afterschool program. Colleen is hilarious and thoughtful and an all-around nice person. It sounds generic to say but it is not something you can say about everyone.  We were surprised she came for the party but that’s just how she is. She shows up and you’re glad she’s there!

Behind Colleen you’ll see Uncle John. Growing up I called him Uncle Little John. He’s Steve’s younger brother. (I also had an Uncle Big John that was MaeMae’s older brother.) Uncle John lives in Mobile but we see him often because he comes to take care of Grandmama.(Here’s a good place to say that Grandmama and Aunt Beck would have been here but they were at the beach. Grandmama likes to go in October!) Uncle John grows things that are beautiful and things that taste good. We’re glad he brings those skills to the village. He makes you laugh and chases you and tickles you and hangs you by your ankles. He did the same to me. Ah, the circle of life!

Last, but not least, you’ll see the Revells on the end. You can barely see Mrs. Suzy’s eyes above Stacey’s head. Mrs. Suzy has known me for a long time but we reconnected when we were at Epworth. Mrs. Suzy makes beautiful things with her sewing machine. She’s helped me to learn to applique and embroider too! She’s made you some pretty cool clothes and a quilt to celebrate you adoption too! We also reconnected with Mandy and Carson at Epworth and their kids. Bubbie played softball with them and you liked playing with Crosby in the mud and dirt and the practices and games. Now you go to school with them and we see them almost every day. They came to your birthday party last year and Crosby’s birthday party was the first you ever went to when you came to live with us. It’s nice as a parent to have parent friends. We’re glad they’re in the village!

Whew. It has taken me longer than I thought to write this down for you Sweet Sam – but I am glad I did. I want you to know and remember who was at this party and who the folks are in this picture. You should also know that there are lots of folks in the village who weren’t there to celebrate with us that day but are important to us.

Most of all know that love looks like all kinds of things and all kinds of people. We need to make sure that we always have people around us with different gifts and knowledge and experiences. Looking for those things in others and sharing those things that we have with others makes life so much richer. Bubbie and I believe that it really does take a village to raise a child. We are grateful for the villages that raised us and the village that is forming to raise you. Look at these faces, kid. They are your village. You’ll add people to this group as you grow and we will add some people too, but these are the people who celebrate you now and celebrate our family. Learn from them. Pay attention to them. Know them and listen to them. The world is a better place because they are all here and you’ll be a better person because each of them is in your village.

I love you, Sweet Sam.

Mama

Happy Birthday and Welcome Back Baby J!

Dear (Bigger) Baby J,

You’ve been back in our home since November 9^th. I’m sorry I didn’t write this letter sooner but there’ve been lots of changes in our family that make sitting down and writing harder and harder. (Don't take it personally. We had a baby in September/October that I never even wrote about. I spent most of the time she was with us at the hospital with her but never got to write.)

When you left our house in March you went to live with an Aunt who lived in town. That aunt and uncle had to move out of state because of a military move and so that meant you needed a place to be. Your mom had been working to get you back and we thought it would just be for a couple of weeks.

A couple of weeks have turned into a couple of months and you’re still with us. Your mom has had another baby and that has delayed you being able to go home with her right now. We still think it will happen soon.

But the big news is  - today is your birthday!

When we brought you home from the hospital earlier this year we had no idea we would know you on this day. You’re a totally different kid from the 4.6 pound baby I left the hospital with that day. You’ve totally caught up with weight and height and almost all of your milestones. You’re standing on your on and almost ready to walk.

You are a super chill baby and love to laugh. In fact this morning Bubbie and I were talking about you’re almost annoyingly too cheerful…if that’s possible. You have a deep husky voice and already sound like a little old man. You’re a good sleeper and eater and are drooling all the time from your growing teeth. You’ve fit right back in our family. It hasn’t been super easy to have you back but we’re glad you’re here. We were happy to celebrate your first Christmas and we’re happy to celebrate your first birthday. We will get together tonight with your family and let them celebrate with you.

We don’t know how long you’ll be with us, J but we promise to love you and take care of you as long as you need us. We’ve said that before and we meant it then and we mean it now.

Love, Meggie