Sweet S,
I haven’t written here in a long time. My Timehop on my
phone is full of reminder of how I used to do this more often. I am grateful
for those days and the ways I recorded your first months with us. But time goes
on and things are different now. As you grow your milestones are more spread
out and as we grow together the days blend and blur together so that months
pass and things just seem normal. Your time with us now is measured in years
and not months. I am grateful for this change.
About a two weeks ago Mr. John at church told us he thought
we had an adoption date. This was such good news and we’ve waited so long for
us that it has taken some time to sink in. So – on October 13th we will go to
a fancy room in a big building and a judge will sign a piece of paper that will
make you my daughter forever and Bubbie’s daughter forever. In your head and
heart you’ve always been our daughter so this day may not make sense to you –
but as you get older you’ll learn how big of a deal this is. It means that we
won’t have to ask permission to take you out of the state or cut your hair. It
means that if you get sick and go to the hospital the only people I have to
call are people in our village – and not case workers. It means that no one
will come to our house every month to check on you. It means you can finally be
baptized. It means you’ll have a new name – a new middle name and a new last
name. It means the state will no longer pay for your daycare and give us a
clothing allowance for you (bummer!). It means I can post pictures and videos
of you on social media without your face covered and your school can take
pictures of you and share them. It means a lot of things – some big and some
small but some things won’t change at all. For the most part our lives on
October 14 won’t be very different than they were on October 12th. I’ll
still be your mama and you’ll still be my Sam. This just all makes it official
so everyone will know.
On October 13 of this year you will have been alive for 1309
days. You’ve will have lived 1092 of those days with us and for many of those
days we’ve been pretty sure that this is how things would turn out. October 13th won’t be your “gotcha”
day. We recognize that happened years ago. October 13 will be your adoption
day. The day your last name will match ours. The day everybody else becomes
sure of what we’ve known for a while…that love is love. That in this broken
world there is hope and grace and beauty and redemption everywhere we look.
That we have to leave room for things we think are unimaginable. That we can do
hard things. That you are wanted and chosen and cherished. That you are worth
it. That in our joy and happiness we know your first mom’s heart still misses
you. That our family is bigger and better because you’re in it. That you and
your first family have changed the way we think about family. That it has
taken, is taking, and will take a village to raise you and we have the very
best village around.
I can’t wait until October 13th. We’re going to
the courthouse! A few days later we’ll celebrate the adoption with our church
family and then have a big party with our village. Maybe one day we’ll get to
go to Disney World to celebrate. I can’t wait.
I love you, Sweet Girl.
Mama
