Court Today.

Dear J,

We had court today where the judge made a big decision. He decided the best thing for you is to live with your grandmother. We’re not sure all the reasons why this hasn’t happened before, but for whatever reason  - this was decided today. You’ll be with us for two more weeks and then move to her house.

Right now my heart is breaking. All along I’ve known you weren’t really our little boy – but all along you’ve really been our little boy. We’ve been the family you’ve known and loved and who has loved you for 427 out of your 474 days on earth. We’ve celebrated your first foods, your first teeth, when you finally rolled over, and now you’re finally scooting! We’ve worked extra hard to help you reach some milestones and are certain that you’ll catch up as long as you keep getting the help you need. We celebrated more than a year of holidays with you and your first birthday. You’ve been on trips and seen the mountains, the beach, Disney World, weddings, tractors, pig races, and spent days at the river. You’ve been a part of our larger families who have loved you and cared about you too. You’ve been a part of our church family and our work families.

I can’t remember what life was like before you. Our family won’t be the same after you. Your sister is going to miss you so much. She has loved you from the first day you came to our house. You’re just getting old enough to stand up to her pestering and enjoy playing with her.

You will always always have a huge piece of your Bubbie’s heart. Since she first met you, you have had her wrapped around the littlest of your little fingers. I don’t know what she’s going to do without you.

J, you made us a family that didn’t match. With you in our family we got more looks and questions. We did a lot of thinking about whether or not that was really best for you. We hope we were what you needed. We’ve known from the beginning that we would probably be saying goodbye one day but that doesn’t make today any easier. We have worked hard to be the family you needed and promised to be that family as long as you needed it.

It looks like the court says you won’t need us after the next two weeks. We hope this move is a good one for you and brings some healing and reconciliation in your first family. We hope you keep growing and learning. We hope you are well taken care of and your special needs are met. We hope your family tells you about God and much God loves you and cares for all of us. We’re going to ask if grandma will keep in touch so we can know how you’re doing. We hope she agrees.

We’re going to make the most of these next two weeks. Get ready for extra snuggles and extra hugs and kisses. We’ll pack your clothes and your favorite toys and books and get ready as best we can. As we do all that we’ll pray without ceasing for you and for your grandma and your mom and your dad and your bio brother and sister and for your foster brother and sister and your Bubbie and your Meggie. We’ll ask God to give us peace and wisdom and an extra measure of love for one another.

Love you,

Meggie

First Day of School

Dear Sam,
I haven’t written you a letter since March. There are all kinds of reasons for this (including someone reported us to DFCS for having a picture of you visible online AND we bought a new house and moved in AND we have a new baby in that new house that makes anything extra seem impossible) but don’t think that because I haven’t written I haven’t had things to say! We have pictures that tell the story of our summer: becoming a family of 5, you getting a new room in the new house, your first swimming lessons, special days with Mae Mae and Steve….the list goes on.

You’re two years old in every way. You’re talking more, starting to pretend, running all the time, asking a million questions, and trying to use the potty more and more.

Something special happens tomorrow that I wanted to make sure I wrote about. You’re going to start school!

Now, in some ways this change won’t feel that different for you. Since you’ve lived with us you’ve gone 5 days a week to Ms. Shannon’s house for daycare but at her house there are only 6 kids (you and your brothers are 3 of the 6) and none of the kids are really your age. So – even though it won’t be my first time dropping you off to stay somewhere while I work, it will still be different.

School is really important. Even in the two-year old room. It is where you’ll learn about letters and numbers and colors and shapes and feelings. You’ll learn about listening and standing in line and waiting your turn. You’ll learn more about books and pretend and art and science and which slide on the playground is really the best. The most important thing I think school will do for you this year is give you a chance for you to make friends and learn how to be a friend. You’ll have to learn more about sharing. You’ll get to learn more about being kind. You already care deeply for people – especially when they are hurt and school will help you know what to do with that. I am excited about all that school will teach you.

The school you are going to is pretty special. I went to school there! And Jar went to school there. Lots my friends went to school there too. In fact, when we were there today for orientation I talked to another Mama who I know from being in school there 30 years ago. Your Bubbie and I hope we have made a good choice for you and that you have a wonderful time there. In my wildest dreams I would never ever have imagined I would be living in Columbus and sending a child to the same pre-school I attended – but you should know that our life right now is so much better than any of my wildest dreams!

You probably are going to be the only kid at this school who has two moms.  We know that sending you to school means that you’re one step closer to realizing that makes our family special. We trust the school and the church and hope that you never ever feel like this is a bad thing. We’re excited about you having friends and meeting people that have all different kinds of families. Steve has already put the “donuts with dad” day on his calendar to celebrate with you and Bubbie and I both will be there for “muffins with mom.”

We’re figuring this out as we go, Sweets, and we're trying to make the decisions that are best for you and for our family. You continue to bring us and our friends and family so much joy. You’re smart and sassy and beautiful and independent. I am so glad – so glad – that we’re celebrating this “first” with you. I can’t wait to see what happens this school year and how you grow.

I love you Sweet Girl,
Mama

P.S. We’re still waiting on some things to be printed in the paper and some papers to be signed. Your adoption has been delayed again, but we’re confident there is light at the end of the tunnel!